Phil Coulson's Funeral and Related Side Stories
by Zorua Illusion
Summary: Self-explanatory title. This is my version of Agent Phil Coulson's "funeral" and side stories that go along with it. A not very cameo appearance by Zarla and Adam from FiLiAL. It's not necessary to know them for the story. Complete!
1. Chapter 1

"Folks, we have gathered here today to pay our respects to Agent Phil Coulson…." The pastor began.

This was the funeral of Agent Phil Coulson. Having no family, only the Avengers and Fury were there. There was a pamphlet that showed pictures of popular flowers and what they meant. Steve read it and told the others what everyone's flowers meant.

Natasha had brought a bouquet of red peonies. They meant "bravery."

Clint brought a basket of black cypress, which meant "mourning" or "sorrow".

Tony had brought many flowers, amongst the heliotrope (devotion), marigold (pain and grief), and an olive sapling (peace). All were in perfect bloom.

Steve brought Oxeye daisies with oak leaves, which meant (in order) patience and strength. Though he only knew the man for a few hours, he thought that this combination matched Phil to some extent.

Thor, being new to Earthling's customs, had brought the weapon Phil had used against Loki. He also (under Jane's guidance) brought a single wildflower that looked beautiful and placed it with the weapon. This flower was a nasturtium, which meant "patriotism".

Bruce brought a card. All it said was "Avenged." Nobody argued with it, and everyone later agreed that it was the best idea of them all.

Fury had brought no flowers. He had, instead, brought the vintage Captain America cards that were now signed by Steve Rogers and sealed with salt water.

SHIELD provided dozens of carnations. It was like looking at a rainbow. And Steve told all of them, in a voice quieter than a whisper, what all the flowers' colors meant. The cemetery provided the flower arrangement that went on top of the coffin. Blue, blue, and more blue, of all different shades and flowers. Apparently that was Phil's favorite color. The blues went nice with the closed oak casket.

All of this had happened at Arlington National Cemetery, where the Avengers pretty much demanded he be buried here. Tony had paid for it, Steve, Fury, Natasha, and Clint made the military funeral arrangements, and Bruce created a coffin so amazingly Phil, the agent probably would've asked if it could've been his bed.

Not one word was spoken during the entire funeral. A flyover was done and the military shot their guns. Two American flags were folded up and given to the Avengers and Fury.

After the coffin was buried, the Avengers left and headed to a restaurant. This was a common occurrence, since Thor and Steve didn't know how to use modern day Earthling appliances, Tony usually just had JARVIS order something or Pepper made something, and Clint and Natasha were on missions very often, so they usually just ate out on SHIELD's dime. Bruce didn't cook much, he didn't want to get hurt and then let the Other Guy out. Besides, it was, technically, free of charge. In the Avengers Initiative, SHIELD agreed to pay for most things (paint jobs for Steve's shield, costume repairs- except for the Iron Man suit, transportation to missions, and, of course, meals).

The waitress came around very quickly.

"Hey, my name's Amela, and I'll be your waitress for today. What can I get you guys?" she asked, taking a notepad and pen out of her apron. You could tell she wasn't from around here by her accent. Judging by the way she used "guys" to address all of them, Tony placed his guess as her being from the Midwest. Ohio, most likely.

Everyone ordered soda (except Stark. He ordered a light alcoholic beverage. Well, light for him anyways).

"I think we're ready to order as well," Steve added. She nodded and waited for someone to speak. Tony spoke up, ordering a cheeseburger, followed by Steve (who ordered a hot dog), Thor (who tried a Philly cheese steak sandwich), Natasha and Clint (salad with Italian and Ranch dressing, respectively, and Bruce, who ordered a basket of chicken fingers.

Only Thor and Bruce ate like as usual (well, not quite. Thor and Bruce ate the equivalent of someone like you or me, not their usual style). Natasha and Clint took small bites, and Tony took a bite out of his cheeseburger and stopped. Steve only ate what he needed to keep him going, but the food tasted like ash, so he stopped after three bites. The waitress came back.

"Any refills for anyone?" she asked. She looked at their faces and then at the barely touched food.

"Not a good day?" she guessed.

"No," Steve replied.

Amela nodded, accepting Steve's answers and not pushing for information.

"Would you like me to box up your food, for those of you who are done eating?" she inquired. All of them nodded. She called over another guy and asked him to help her. Both of the picked up the plates and walked to the doorway that lead to what was presumably the kitchen. She returned a few minutes later with all the white, Styrofoam boxes in a paper bag. Thor and Bruce had finished eating, leaving no leftovers. The food had just the right proportions for even the hungriest people on the planet when they weren't very hungry.

"The live entertainment's coming on in about 5 minutes, if you want to stick around. It's also a karaoke day, so if any of you want to sing, there's a sign-up sheet at the counter nearby the stage. You can't miss it. Would you like the check now, or do you want me told hold of a bit?"

"Hold it off for a bit, I want to see some of these drunkards perform," Tony said.

"I'm afraid we have plenty of those today, seeing as it's half-priced drink Tuesday," she sighed, "Come up to the front desk when you want the check." And so she left, taking the plates with her.

True to Amela's word, the live entertainment started in five minutes on the dot. Most of the people were drunk, and some of them were actually pretty good, but the rest of the met the Avengers' low expectations. The sober ones were usually pretty good, with a few not-so-good ones thrown in. Amela stopped by their table a few more times to refill drinks and give out desserts of their choice that were on the house since they were having such a bad day. When she stopped by, she would tell them who's next and how often they did this and how good they were if she had heard them perform, which is what she did as she picked up the desert dishes. Chocolate made everyone feel better.

"This next girl coming up is Zarla. She comes here pretty often, usually after she receives a letter from her friends. She never lets anyone see the letter, nor does she say who it's from specifically. She sings two songs and then leaves. She's amazing, and she's always sober." That was the longest report of them all.

The Avengers raised their low expectations a little higher.

A girl of about twenty-two years of age stepped up. Her dark brown hair was pulled into a ponytail that was slowly falling out. She had no make-up, but her blue eyes stood out with her small blue loop earrings. She was wearing black slacks and a sea foam green blouse. She grabbed the microphone and said in a soft voice, "I will be singing two songs today. The first one is _Safe and Sound_ by Taylor Swift and the second will be Travelin' Soldier by the Dixie Chicks. Both are in honor of one of my dear friends who has been severely injured. I hope you get better soon." Without further ado, Zarla waited for the intro of the song before she herself came in.

_I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I'll never let you go._

_When all those shadows almost killed the light._

_I remember you said 'don't leave me here alone',_

_But all that's dead and gone and past,_

_Tonight._

_Just close your eyes,_

_The sun s going down,_

_You'll be alright,_

_No one can hurt you now._

_Come morning light,_

_You and I'll be _

_Safe and Sound._

_Don't you dare look out you window,_

_Darling everything's on fire._

_The war outside our door keeps raging on._

_Hold on to this lullaby,_

_Even when the music's gone._

_Gone._

_Just close your eyes,_

_The sun is going down._

_You'll be alright, _

_No one can hurt you now._

_Come morning light,_

_You and I'll be_

_Safe and Sound._

(Oooohhs and aaaaahs)

_Just close your eyes._

_You'll be alright._

_The morning light,_

_You and I'll be_

_Safe and Sound._

(Oooohs and aaaaahs).

Applause sound throughout the room. Zarla truly was amazing. The Avengers clapped the loudest of all the people there. Something about the music just made them… shift. They weren't happy that Agent Coulson was dead, but now, instead of mourning his passing, they were celebrating his life.

Zarla smiled. It was a sad smile, filled with loss but with a smidge of hope.

"Next up, Travelin' Soldier by the Dixie Chicks! Ladies and gents, you might want to grab a few tissues 'cause this is a sad one." Once again, she waited for the intro before bursting into song.

_Two days past eighteen_

_He was waiting for the bus in his army green_

_Sat down in a booth in a café there_

_Gave his order to a girl with a bow in her hair_

_He's a little shy so she gives him a smile _

_And he says 'would you mind sittin down for awhile_

_And talking to me,_

_I'm feelin a little low."_

_She said 'I'm off in an hour and I know where we can go."_

_So they went down and they sat on the pier_

_He said "I bet you got a boyfriend but I don't care_

_I got no one to send a letter to._

_Would you mind if I sent one back here to you?"_

_I cried, never gonna hold the hand of another guy,_

_Too young for him they told her,_

_Waiting for the love of a Travelin Soldier,_

_Their love will never end,_

_Waiting for the solider to come back again._

_Never more to be alone, when the letter said, a soldier's coming home._

_So the letters came from an army camp in California the Vietnam_

_And he told of his heart _

_It might be love and all the things he was so scared of._

_He said 'when it's getting kind of rough over here,_

_I think of that day sitting down at the pier_

_I close my eyes and see your pretty smile._

_Don't worry but I might not be able to write for awhile."_

_I cried, never gonna hold the hand of another guy._

_Too young for him they told her,_

_Waiting for the love of a Travelin Soldier._

_Their love will never end, waiting for the soldier to come back again._

_Never more to be alone_

_When the letter said a soldier's comin home._

(Instrumental)

_One Friday night at a football game,_

_The Lord's Prayer said and the Anthem sang,_

_A man said "Folks, would you bow your heads for a list of local Vietnam dead."_

_Crying all alone under the stands was a piccolo player in the marching band,_

_And one name read,_

_But nobody really cared,_

_No one but a girl with a bow in her hair._

_I cried, never gonna hold the hand of another guy._

_Too young for him they told her,_

_Waiting for the love of a Travelin Soldier._

_Their love will never end, waiting for the soldier to come back again._

_I cried, never gonna hold the hand of another guy._

_Too young for him they told her,_

_Waiting for the love of a Travelin Soldier._

_Their love will never end, waiting for the soldier to come back again._

_Never more to be alone_

_When the letter said a soldier's comin home._

"Thank you for listening," was the only comment Zarla made before getting off the stage. Tony noticed the emerald and black-gem-without-a-name silver ring on her left hand, being one point of evidence she was taken. The other was a slightly buff male with chestnut hair and forest green eyes that she joined. He had a silver band on his left hand as well. He appeared to hand something back to her and she patted his shoulder and whispered something in his ear.

Meanwhile, Steve had a few tears streaking down his face. Amela brought over a box of tissues to wipe his face. The last song reminded him of Peggy and himself, but also strangely of Coulson. Tony now asked for the bill and Amela brought it over. Tony gave a generous tip for the restaurant's trouble and for having an amazing waitress. He'd be sure to call the company and tell them how amazing she was.

The Avengers got up and left, heading towards Stark's jet that would take them to their head quarters in Tony's remodeled house. They didn't notice the two SHIELD agents that were spying on them from a nearby alley.

"Is it necessary to hide me from them?" Coulson asked. He was alive and well, except he now had more scars from the surgery that kept him alive.

"Yes," Fury answered, "very important. That reminds me," he dug out the cards signed by Steve Rogers, the card that said "Avenged", and the pamphlet of the flowers and their meanings, "I believe these are yours. Also, expect a few dozen flowers and vases arriving at your house tomorrow, Agent. This pamphlet tells you what they mean."

"Thank you Commander."

"Take it easy, alright Coulson? We'll reveal that you're still alive soon enough."

Phil nodded, tucking the cards and pamphlet into his wallet and that going into his suit pocket. Fury left, leaving Phil on his own.

"Thank you, Avengers. I knew we could count on you."

Unknowingly, this sentence had been carried across the wind into the Avengers' ears, leaving them walking back to the jet with small smiles on their faces.

**SIDE STORY 1: TONY'S CALL**

Back on his jet, Tony Stark pulled out his Iron Man themed phone.

"Hello, Mister Owner of the Gaulben! This is the one and only Tony Stark, here with the Avengers and we would like to tell you about the fantastic worker you have at your Manhattan branch."

I told you he'd call. Anyways, the Avengers plus Tony added on what they liked about Amela. She was friendly, personable, and didn't dig even though she noticed they were having a bad day, and even paid for their desserts.

"She went above and beyond sir. I think she should gain a promotion, if she wants it. Iron Man out."

And Tony hung up without waiting for a reply.

A few weeks later, a message came to the Avengers inbox. It wasn't asking them to save the day, rather, it was from Amela.

_Dear Steve, Natasha, Thor, Tony, Clint, and Bruce,_

_Apparently you called about my "fantastic service" and asked for me to be promoted. First off, I'd like to say that anyone at that place would've done the same. All of us know that underneath the costumes and weapons and armor, you guys are still human. Well, in Thor's case, a god, but with human emotions._

_Second off, I'd like to say the head honcho listened to you and did give me a promotion. I am now the owner of the Manhattan branch Gaulben. All the other workers there have had their salaries raised at my request. And you guys are always welcome here, free of charge, whatever you want, whenever you want. We're currently installing a button that will let you call one of us if the restaurant is locked and closed. I'll tell you the location and how it works later._

_And lastly, thank you for allowing me to have this position. (You have no idea how big a pain the last manager and owner were.) I am semi-proud to announced half-price Tuesdays are now gone. In its place are kids eat free on weekends and discounted drinks as long as you stay somewhat sober._

_Thanks again and stop by anytime!_

_~Amela._

Tony grinned and forwarded the message to the rest of the Avengers and had JARVIS print out a copy and send it to Steve (Steve still did not understand how to work his e-mail). Amela had no idea what she just got herself into.

**SIDE STORY 2: PICTURE TIME**

(Quick Note: Let's just say that Fury revealed gent Coulson is alive. The awkward/angry tie has passed, but there's still a little mistrust between the Avengers and Fury. Based off a picture I saw on Tumblr.)

Agent Coulson was losing his cool. And that only happened when his role model, Captain Steve Rogers (AKA Captain America) was around. Coulson had always admired Steve for his bravery and intelligence and for some reason, he knew he wasn't dead when he was a kid. He just felt it in his heart. That's why, twenty-five years later, he almost fainted when he heard "He's been waiting long enough. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the believed-to-be-dead Captain Steve Rogers, also known as Captain America and the Super Soldier in World War II."

Anyways, Coulson had went up to Steve's room with his iPhone in his pocket. He was going to do something even scarier than facing off those two men with guns in New Mexico.

He was going to ask Steve if he could take a photo with him.

Breathing in and relaxing a bit, knowing Steve was extremely friendly to him, he knocked on the door. A few seconds later, he heard a few buttons being pressed and then a sigh before the door opened, revealing Steve and the DVD player that was now rewinding uncontrollably and the instruction manual on the coffee table in front of it.

Steve, who was dressed in his Captain America suit with the boots off and hood down (he had just returned from a mission), smiled.

"Hello, sir. How can I help you?" Steve's mannerisms would be the one thing he would never change.

"Will you take a picture with me?" Coulson asked evenly. Years of practice allowed him to hide his nervousness at asking this.

"Yeah, sure." Steve shrugged. He knew Coulson was a huge… I guess you could say fan of his.

Coulson smiled, pulling out his phone. Steve knew that phones could take pictures (although he himself didn't know how to do so). Steve came out and stood by Coulson, throwing an arm around his shoulders in a "bro" manner. Coulson lifted a slightly shaking finger that pointed at his slightly red, smiling face. Steve smiled, too, genuinely happy that his friend was now finally able to get what he wanted for all of his life.

"Thanks Steve."

"You're welcome sir." And with that, Steve disappeared back into his room to figure out the DVD player so he could watch some cartoons.

Coulson could almost skip back to his post, but the picture seemed as if it were missing something. Looking at the large, white space above both their heads, he had an idea. He sent out for the person he wanted, if they weren't busy, and described what he wanted.

An hour later, Coulson's new wallpaper on all his appliances were of him and Steve with an image of Steve's shield above their heads.

**A/N: I know, I know, I should be working on FiLiAL. Thing is, I saw the Avengers on Saturday and I wanted to write a tribute to Phil Coulson (Son of Coul). Yes, I do believe Agent Coulson is not dead. As my dad says, "It's a comic book movie. He'll be better by Avengers 2." But yeah. That's my tribute to Agent Phil Coulson, who in my opinion is amongst the most bad-ass and funniest character in the Marvel movies.**


	2. Chapter 2

One day, Director Nick Fury (AKA terror with an eye patch) called all the Avengers in for a meeting.

"This is classified information," he said, placing a single sheet of paper on the table. The Avengers looked at it. At first glance, it looked like just a bunch of random words to deal with the Avengers scribbled down on the page.

"If this is classified, I'd hate to see common knowledge," Tony mentioned.

"Figure it out," was the only hint they got out of Nick Fury.

"All I see are words of English written down," Thor informed with a frown. Natasha and Clint were studying it intently. Bruce was looking at it with a thoughtful look on his face. Tony took a glance and then shook his head. He already knew what Fury was trying to say, but he'd let the others figure it out for themselves.

"C'mon guys, let's go solve this over lunch. Amela says she'll be there today," Tony threw in.

The rest of the Avengers consented, eager to see their friend again. It had been almost a month since their first encounter with Amela, and the waitress grew on all of them quickly.

So they went to Amela's restaurant, opened the door, and sat down at their usual table. They came to this restaurant less than the schrawarma place, but they still came here pretty often, and Amela had set aside a table just for them. It was a booth in the corner, away from prying eyes and eavesdropping ears.

All the Avengers were dressed in civilian clothing. Stark was wearing a purple shit with trouser pants, which were part of the suit he was wearing earlier. Steve was dressed in a grey plaid shirt and khakis. Bruce was also wearing a purple shirt (Tony spent way too much time on the Internet. Apparently, purple shirts were very in. Something to do with the Purple shirt of Sex…?) and jeans. Clint thought Natasha looked stunning in her black desert pants* and black and red short-sleeved top. Clint wore a more civilized version of his SHIELD outfit. Instead of armor, he wore a black muscle top, stonewash jeans, and black combat boots. And Thor wore similar clothing to the set Jane gave him. He wore a red t-shirt that had a picture of a hammer that said "Stop. Hammer time!" written on it and dark wash jeans.

The paper was set down t the exact center of the table. All the Avengers stared at it, hoping the answer would come to them.

A few seconds later, Amela came by.

"How are my favorite people today?" she asked brightly.

"Okay," was the main response from the group. The rest kept silent.

"Can I start you off with something to drink?" Amela inquired, getting out her old notepad.

Tony ordered an alcoholic drink (surprise, surprise.)

Bruce, Natasha, and Clint ordered water.

Steve ordered Coke. Tony made a snide comment of "sugar, spice, everything nice, and FREEDOM."

Thor asked for "the juice of the red fruit that grows on trees". He meant apple juice. He had tried it once, loved it and now couldn't get enough. Amela always put a swirly straw** in Thor's drink and he loved that.

Steve kept looking at the paper. He could almost see the message Fury was trying to give him, but every time he came close it slipped away. He blamed it on lack of sleep from nightmares. Our patriotic captain had a lot on his mind and that often prevented him from sleeping. Amela seemed to notice something was up.

"Cap, everything alright?"

"Yeah, it's just… I can't figure out what this says."

"You are aware that this is classified information?" Bruce asked.

"You realize how much 'classified' information she has about us?" Tony retorted, "Let her look. I want to see if she figures it out."

"You mean you already have?" Clint asked. Natasha raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, but I didn't tell you, Legolas, or anyone else because I wanted to see if you could figure it out."

Clint frowned but did not comment further. Amela turned the paper towards her. She looked at it for a few seconds then spoke up.

"Didn't you tell me about Coulson once?"

"Yes," Natasha confirmed.

"There's your answer. Look down the only solid column of words. Right here." Amela pointed to where she was referring.

The letters spelled out "COULSON LIVES."

Steve was flabbergasted. You could tell because his mouth was hanging open. Thor was shocked. Everyone else was neutral, but you could see the flash of green that came and passed in Bruce's eyes.

"That….." Steve began.

Alright, author here. I know that this next section will seem extremely out of character for Steve Rogers, but keep in mind, he is angry, upset, confused, and betrayed. This next line pretty much sums up what he's feeling.

**This line has been deleted from this passage for major cussing. Zorua Illusion would like all to know NOT to curse in front of children, as nothing good comes from teaching kids how to curse.**

**That is all.**

Even Tony was at a loss for words from all the curses Steve had just spewed.

Amela broke the silence. "I'll go get those drinks for you. By the way, next time you see Fury," she looked at Steve, "kick him in the balls for me." She left.

Punctual as ever, she returned two minutes later.

Steve spoke to her as soon as she was finished serving them.

"How would you like to do that in person?"

She grinned. "It would be a pleasure."

None of the Avengers had a problem with Amela coming along with them. The SHIELD agents might've, but one look from the Avengers and they remained silent. However, they did ask for Amela to wear a blindfold so as to not learn the location of the base. She agreed readily.

Fifteen minutes later, the Avengers were back in the meeting room. They had called in Fury about two minutes ago. It was now 2:15 p.m.

Fury arrived seconds later in the room. The Avengers were all standing around the table, as was Amela. The paper he had given them earlier was on the table where he could read it. The message was circled in red pen.

"Care to explain why you lied to us?" Steve asked.

To his everlasting credit, Nick Fury did not look intimidated by Steve.

"I will quote him to explain my reasoning. 'This would never had worked otherwise. We needed to give them something to…'"

The Avengers were still angry, but Fury was right. The Avengers never would've come together if it weren't for Phil's "death".

That didn't stop Steve from punching him in the face.

Or Amela going up to him, looking him in the eyes, and (without looking away) kicking him in the "family jewels", "where the sun don't shine", or any other term you want to use for kicking him in the balls.

Nick Fury was not having a good day.

The rest of the Avengers walked out, having Avenged themselves.

"Where's Phil?" Tony asked.

"In his room," Nick replied.

Tony nodded and walked out as well.

The Avengers were going to welcome back their amazing friend, and by God, Tony would throw a party for this. Pepper would love it.

**A/N: And thus concludes my little story. I know I should be working on FiLiAL, but I am currently stuck at one point. So I wrote this to get rid of the Writer's Block. Sorry if the formation of paragraphs at the end annoys you. This side story was also inspired by a picture I saw.**


	3. Astericks From Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, I feel a bit stupid now.**

**You guys saw those asterisks (*) after some of those words in the previous chapter, right? I forgot to tell you why I put them there and what they meant. So, here I am, doing it in the unofficial third chapter.**

**Desert pants- This is a style of pants. I am not entirely sure what to call them, but they look like something you'd wear in the desert. They're like two skirts, one for each leg. They're flowy. That's as best as I can describe them. **

**Swirly Straw- You remember that crazy straws that were twisted into patterns, right? I think they were call Crazy Straws? Yeah. That's what this is.**


End file.
